How to become a great listener
Sadeem Al Ali
Most arguments are not about the topic. They are about not feeling heard. Here is how to listen better.
When I ask couples what they argue about, the answers vary: money, chores, family. When I ask how the argument feels, the answer is almost always the same: I don’t feel heard.
Great listening starts with slowing down. Let your partner finish, then reflect back what you understood before you reply.
Ask about feelings, not only facts. “How did that feel?” opens a conversation that “What happened?” often closes.
And resist the urge to fix. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can say is “That sounds hard. I’m here.”